DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 31 years. I recently found out that my husband belongs to a singles group. The group meets once a week and my husband never misses a meeting. I went with him to their most recent and realized it was mostly WOMEN. My husband knew them all, especially one named “Lauren”, who he found interesting. I suspect he’s too interested in her.
Our marriage isn’t great. Sex is infrequent as he suffers from erectile dysfunction and does nothing about it. He is obsessed with his weight and trains four times a week. He is not a good communicator and has become secretive. I’m afraid that something is going on with Lauren and it worries me a lot. I do not know what to do. Please advise. We went to see a marriage counselor, but that didn’t help. — SURPRISED, BUT NOT SURPRISED
DEAR SURPRISED: For a married man to join a bachelor party is infuriating. The purpose of singles groups is for ELIGIBLE people to meet. That this has been hidden from you until recently is not a good sign, but consider yourself lucky to have been able to attend this meeting.
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Contact your doctor and ask to be tested for STDs in case your husband has “discovered” Viagra since joining the singles group. Just because he doesn’t use an erection enhancer with you, that doesn’t mean he might not have used it with someone else – Lauren, for example.
Protect yourself and your financial interests. Consult with a lawyer and an accountant to determine what marital assets are and where they are, and what you are entitled to in the event of a divorce. The ACP can help you if necessary. Next, ask your husband what he expects from socializing with single women and whether he wants to stay married. You have my sympathy.
DEAR ABBY: Please clarify this for me. My mother recently passed away. I miss her and my family every day. His funeral was prepaid, so there were no additional expenses for my family. In the funeral notice, we asked that people donate silver memorials to the listed charity or a charity chosen by the donor.
My colleagues collected money and gave it to me. Was the money meant to be a charitable donation from them in honor of my mother, or was it meant for me personally? I’m confused. — CONFUSED IN MINNESOTA
DEAR CONFUSED: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother. Because your co-workers haven’t specified otherwise, assume they followed the obituary’s guidelines and that the money is for charity. Thank them for their generosity and leave it at that.